Kicked out of primary 😭

I’m smiling in the outside but crying on the inside… okay I’m also crying in the outside too! 😭😭

 Honestly. I am sad. Getting Released from this calling is still fresh and has been hard. I’m Still recovering from really hurt feelings and how it happened . No one told me this was happening— in fact the last time Bishop met with me he said to keep going and make plans for the rest of the year. There was some weird comments and Ben keep asking if anyone had talked to me yet? What was that supposed to mean?? So there were clues but I didn’t really believe them. So right before church I sit down with Bishop - it was Sunday morning on mother’s day, I just started bawling— really couldn’t believe this was how it was going to happen— I did feel caught off guard- it felt like getting “fired” and that has never happened to me before!! And in the office as I’m crying there wasn’t any tissues- just rough brown paper towels. I felt awful! I am still in a delicate place emotionally. Still cry when it is brought up... I’ve been released from callings but for some reason this one is especially hard. I am crying a lot.

The main Reason it was explained I was getting released was that it’s difficult to have a family with both husband and wife in two “presidency and bishopric”- ward callings… it was one of the reasons why the previous primary President was released and I got out in— Her husband was a counselor in the bishopric. But I didn’t think that was necessary and firmly stated my position that I would be completely fine doing this calling for as long as he needed me to do it and if there was one of us that needed to be released, it would probably be Ben. He gave it a good try as a counselor for a few months, but I was very happy to be Staying in primary for ever.

So there you go….  It all went down and I’m going through the stages of grief 😢😭 some anger denial and mostly feeling sad —don’t mind me as I sink into this depression.

I guess it just goes to show for the amount of effort I spent thinking planning and trying to make primary a special place for all of the sweet kiddos… that’s why it hurts so badly. The amount of effort is equal to the amount of loss I feel.